February 12, 2018
Blog posts this time of year are filled with endless ideas about what to wear, gift ideas picks and guides on how to spend Valentines Day with loved ones. I always enjoy reading about all the creative and magical suggestions people come up with every year !
For my Valentines Day post I thought I’d share some insights on why for me it’s not so much about the one single day but rather a celebration of everyday relationships with loved ones. After all, when you’ve been married for 21 years to your high school sweetheart like me, you probably have more than a few perspectives on matters of the heart!
While hubby and I do celebrate Valentines day with gifts and a special dinner every year, I also like to consider it another opportunity where I can reflect about what has kept our marriage going for so many years.
Below are 5 Matters-of-the-Heart I believe binds a relationship
Listening – It’s not about fixing each other’s problems, it’s about being there to listen with understanding. Paying attention to one another’s feelings and being empathetic.
Respect – After a few months or years into to a relationship, respect can start a slowly diminish as we get more comfortable in our own skin and our guards and filters start coming down. So always remember to take care of each other through action words and our behaviours towards one another
Acceptance – Recognize while we may be very compatible (that’s why we’re together afterall!) we are also different individuals. Unconditionally accept each other’s habits, behaviours and flaws. Communicate things that are bothersome and be open to feedback while keeping in mind not to sweat the small stuff.
Appreciation – Remind ourselves and tell each other how lucky and valuable we are. Expressions of appreciation and thankfulness will be sure to bring happiness and longevity to the relationship.
Thoughtfulness – Anticipate the needs of one another. Know preferences and opinions and ask ourselves what we can do to accommodate and incorporate them into everyday we spend together. Be there and uplift each other.
These are just a few of my favourite heart-felt attributes in my relationship and you may have a few other ones dear to your hearts. No matter what stage your relationship is at, I encourage you to reflect on what matters to you and your loved ones. Take the time to share them with each other perhaps while you celebrate and even on the days and moments beyond Valentines Day. Most importantly carry them out wherever your journey together takes the both of you!
Mimi
I’m so guilty of the first thing, I always want to solve problems and I forget to listen, this is a great reminder of how important it is to listen!
Sandy
Me too! I’m all about problem solving so need to bite my tongue and just focus on better listening!
Taylor
Good post! As a mom and a wife, I tend to stick mainly to the “mom role”. I am now learning to switch the “wife role” and not be so frustrated all the time. Another thing that has really helped our relationship is talking. We talk a lot and we are always telling each other how we feel, why we feel that way and how we can work with it. Thank you for this great post.
Much Love, Taylor
Sandy
Hi Taylor, that’s great you talk alot – communication is so key. Especially when we are busy being a mom and wife!
hal
i’ve been working on showing appreciation and having gratitude since the beginning of the year & it really makes such a difference in my life
Sandy
That’s great Hal! Keep up the good work!
Leigh Suznovich
Love this, it’s so true. I’ve been working on showing more appreciation to the people I love.
Sandy
Even little words or gestures of appreciation go a long way! Thanks Leigh!
Jersey Girl Cooks
Great advice! Ive been married for 23 years and it takes some work to have a great relationship!
Sandy
Wow 23 years? Congratulations on such a long lasting relationship!
Chastity
Thanks for sharing the real importance of v-day and also just keeping relationships strong throughout any special occasion. We tend to focus only on one day when it’s should be everyday.
Sandy
I know right?! I’m not so much about the frills of Valentines Day but more about what it means inside the heart!
Melissa
I love this! I have a bad habit of not listening first and just wanting to solve the problem, but sometimes all they need is someone to listen!
Sandy
I can relate, Melissa! It’s a struggle sometimes right?
Jen E
Acceptance, yes! I love that you listed this. It’s true that we’re married, but that doesn’t mean that we turn into each other or that we should try to turn our spouses into us. We’re human, and there will be things that annoy us, but we have to find a way of discussing it with each other or letting the issue go on our end.
Sandy
Exactly and well said, Jen! It’s easy to forget we are individuals with differences too!
Cathy
I think listening and not wanting to jump in a solve our partner’s problems is something that everyone probably struggles with. When you love someone so much, it pains you to see them hurting – you just want to solve it for them to see them happy!
Sandy
So true, Cathy.. We care for them so much we want to protect them!
Ladylebz
Appreciation definitely stands out for me as a singleton – learning to appreciate myself and my loved ones and also those that sincerely love me 🙂
Maegan
I loved your point about getting comfortable after a few years—it’s easy to let the filters slip but there are so many more ways to hurt each other with our words when we know our spouse better. Great things to focus on.
Cristine
Thoughtfulness is key. Gifts don’t mean anything if they are an empty gift
Sandy
My thoughts exactly, Cristine!
Zoë
I feel like you’ve perectly said all the feelings I have inside of me. Those numbered points are pretty much how I try to live my life and my relationship but it’s tough when your other half doesn’t feel the same way and those things aren’t important. I guess we can only change ourselves though, right?
Kylie
These are great tips! Thank you. I am just married and hope to last 21 years like you
Emily
I love your five points. My husband and I are at that stage in our life, with three small kids, where appreciation is the key. Just acknowledging all the things each other does makes a big difference.
Amanda Martin
All great points! I especially like thoughtfulness, it is something my husband is really good at and I always appreciate it 🙂
Sandy
Aww how sweet of you hubby – that’s great!
Stefanie Richardson
I have to agree! These are great matters of the heart, especially for someone who has been in a relationship that has withstood the challenges that time has to offer.
Sandy
Thanks Stefanie – relationships are hard work but worth it in the end!
Helena Freeman
Awesome post! It was different from most Valentines Day posts and you touched on the real reason to celebrate the day. I really enjoyed it.
Sandy
Aww thank you Helena! Hope you had a great V Day!
Christie Moeller
These are so good! Acceptance for sure is the biggest key. Not trying to change someone!
xoxo Christie
http://www.icanstyleu.com/blog/
Sandy
I need to remind myself everyday about acceptance. Hubby is not me and I am not him. We are different and cannot expect to change each other. Easier said than done sometimes though!
Ayanna @ 21FlavorsofSplendor
Love this!! Great advice. Taking the time all year long to show love and invest in your marriage is so important.
Sandy
Hi Ayanna – it really is an all-year long and everyday investment. Not always easy to remember though!
Christine Kong
I too have been with my hubbie for a long time and married forever so these matters of the heart are essential to a long, healthy relationship and marriage. I definitely think that you have to have mutual respect for each other. Also, appreciation goes a long way. Learn each other’s love languages and do them for each other instead of doing what your love language is for him because it may not necessarily be the same. Thanks for sharing these tips on this day of love! xoxo, Christine
http://dailykongfidence.com/
Andrea
I really appreciate this post. I am a problem solver type, and I also feel that I need to work on some of my boundaries and this post is just the gentle reminder I needed!
Sandy
Me too! I always want to fix things and make suggestions. I really need to stop doing that!
Sheree
This is such a great post to remind us of what mutual love and respect means. I have dated my husband for four years before marriage and we will be celebrating our 6 year marriage this weekend which means we are together for a decade!! We’ve learned a lot from each other, about each other, I know what makes him tick and vice versa. It is important to know each other’s boundaries and learn to respect to keep that little space for our own.
xo Sheree
PoshClassyMom.com
Sandy
Hi Sheree! Congratulations on being together for 10 years! That’s great! I totally agree we need to learn the ins and outs each other and respect each other along the way!
Alexandra
That’s an accurate list of what it takes to go the distance. One of the funny things about being married 20+ years are the memories when Valentine’s Day wasn’t so romantic because of sickness, flat tires, life…but those important attributes help you keep it together until it becomes funny in hindsight.
Sandy
Hi Alexandra,
I agree! There were even a few Valentines “forgotten” moments within those years – but we just laugh it off now.
Paula @ I'm Busy Being Awesome
What a wonderful post. It’s so easy to try and jump in and immediately solve every problem, but your reminder to simply be a good listener is so valuable. Thank you for sharing!
Sandy
Listening (and not speaking/interrupting) is definitely one most difficult challenges for me !
nicole
This is perfect! We aren’t big Valentine’s Day celebrators, but I love this idea! I’d personally add laughter because that’s what keeps my marriage intact lol!
Sandy
I agree! Hubby and I are not into a lot of the Valentines frills and yes for sure – laughter is food for the relationship souls!
courtney byers
Aww . i love this! I agree we should celebrate this not just one day a year, but daily <3
Sandy
Yes i agree it’s everyday thing for sure!
Rebecca
I totally agree with the respect point. It does diminish the farther into a relationship you get, which is why it’s always so important to keep yourself in check and decide if you’re treating your significant other the way the need to be treated. Great post!
Sandy
Thanks Rebecca! Respect really is key but so easy to forget sometimes!
Courtney Buechle
These are such important reminders! It’s amazing how something as simple as listening can improve your relationship so significantly!
marcy
Aw such a beautiful post babe! I honestly read many valentines post about what to wear but not about the importance of what a good relation ship is. I really love this post and everything is so true! All 5 very important:)
Thanks for the reminder
xoxo
Marcy
Sandy
Thanks Marcy! I wanted to do something a little different for my Valentines day post. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Eliza
I agree. We should celebrate relationship not once a year, but every single moment, and share the love the way we feel it. Respecting each other and listening does mean a lot, as well as appreciate every little thing that matters only to both of you. Such a lovely post, dear!
Cheers, Eliza | http://www.fashion-confession.com
Patricia G.
Great post! While I am single, I believe these attributes you listed can be carried out in almost any type of relationship. I will strive to appreciate people more., because when one doesn’t that is when relationships are taken away from us or are taken for granted 🙂
Sandy
Most definitely they can be applied to any relationship! So true not to take people for granted. It’s easy to forget sometimes though tbh!
Open Kloset
Hey Darling,
Hows you?
This post was so Sweet and Definitely agree with you in Everything:)
I am with my hubby over 5 Years and Agree with you 🙂
Wish you Happy Week
Love, Kisses Karina
Jacque
I love this! I can’t say I’ve been in a relationship as long as you have! Congrats to you both. That in itself is a celebration. I loved reading about what has kept your relationship strong through the years. I think all of those points are extremely important
Darya
Valentines day is my favorite day of the year!
I really love spending that precious time with my boyfriend.
It’s really the best..
I agree with each point you mentioned, they really make sense.
xoxo
Darya
Vanessa Berlin
Lovely post girl! I agree , we should celebrate every single day the love to our partner and loved ones. I adore all the points you have mentioned here. These are the key to maintain and grow a relationship.
Thanks for sharing!
Vanessa
http://thefashionstatement.net
Sandy
I’m glad you enjoyed the post! It’s absolutely and everyday thing!
Diana
We are going to have our 6th Anniversary this year, and whenever there are a problem, we seat and talk like adults, but so far, I have a happy marriage. We have Valentine’s day every weekend hehe, since we don’t have kids yet 😉
http://www.queenhorsfall.com/
Sandy
Congratulations on your 6 years! i like the idea of Vday every weekend!
Eva
Few but very important things to acceptance , thoughtfulness and listening or asking.
Xx
Eva
http://www.themermaidfashion.com
Candace
I had no idea you’ve been married for over 20 years. I thought YOU yourself were in your 20s haha! I agree, once you’ve spent so long with someone, Valentine’s Day just becomes another blessing. You learn over time to appreciate each other no matter what day it is. Acceptance is a tough one I’m still trying to get through with my fiance!
http://www.thebeautybeau.com
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